Lucky Cheng’s -by Joe Oesterle

I’d like to preface this story by saying I have a girlfriend, a very pretty girlfriend. A girlfriend so pretty in fact that friends of mine are always surprised that someone as pretty as her would go out with a guy like me. (Naturally these so-called friends of mine always fail to factor in my immeasurable charm.)

Anyway, my girlfriend is also very feminine. She loves to wear high heels and skirts, gets her hair and nails done weekly, and extends her pinky finger when she drinks things. Of course so do many of the men who work at Lucky Cheng’s.

Lucky Cheng’s (3049 Las Vegas Blvd. located in the Gold Key Shops) is unlike any other restaurant on the Strip. Sure you can dine just about anywhere in Vegas and be served by young attractive waitresses who dress to impress, and go out of their way to flirt and make a man feel special, but the wait staff at Lucky Cheng’s are all divas… and these divas are dudes.

Inside, the ambience is dark and rich. Chinese lanterns, dragons, and statuettes of Buddha surround red sparkly lacquered tables and black upholstered chairs, but the bass line of the Bee Gees “Jive Talking” bumping through the sound system reminds me I am not in the mystic Orient, but rather a transgendered cabaret in Sin City. If I needed any further help reminding me of my surroundings, the visual of Naya Simone hammers the point home in no uncertain terms.

Standing roughly 6 ft 3 in white patent 70’s style platform shoes and a multi-colored, micro-mini polyester dress, Ms Simone is busty cross between Flip Wilson’s character, “Geraldine,” and a guy who could kick my ass. I have no reason to fear Naya though, she’s as gentle as can be, and hands me a drink list.

The libations menu is hot pink, with the slogan, “Remember, the more you drink, the prettier we look” emblazoned across the bottom. I peruse the selections, passing on Mona’s Mother Pucker, Slink’s Slinkee Dinkee Dogg, and even Maya’s own, Maya’s Pool Boy, and decide to give Heather’s Pink P*#@#^ (word I’m not allowed to use in this book) a try. Continue reading “Lucky Cheng’s -by Joe Oesterle”

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Hunting for Bambi – by Joe Oesterle

In  2003, Las Vegas businessman Michael Burdick, set up a website which offered anyone with ten thousand dollars the chance to arm themselves with live ammo and hunt real human beings.

It is more than a tad reminiscent of the classic 1924 short story by Richard Connell, entitled “The Most Dangerous Game,” in which an expert big game hunter, bored with conventional prey, decides humans are the only quarry worthy of his own cunning. The chief difference between that well-known piece of fiction, and Burdick’s website, is author Connell did not have the foresight to depict his hunted protagonist as a naked woman, nor did it ever dawn on the early 20th century essayist to have his marksman use a paintball gun. Michael Burdick did both.

HuntingForBambi.com promised each hunter would be flown to Las Vegas and given the opportunity to choose between a menu of thirty different naked women. According to the site, these women were all paid volunteers, and ranged in attractiveness between the “girl next door,” to the “perfect 10.” Continue reading “Hunting for Bambi – by Joe Oesterle”

Rumors of the Original Roy: by Joe Oesterle

siegfried_roy_tiger_1_rNo one who claims it to be true can prove it, but just about every Las Vegas local has heard the rumor of the death of animal-trainer/magician and the darker haired half of the Siegfried and Roy shows, Roy Horn.

The rumor goes like this; during the mid-80’s “everyone” had noticed how thin and sickly the pair of prestidigitators had become. There was talk the duo (who have never openly discussed their sexuality) were lovers, and had contracted the deadly AIDS virus. In a desperate bid to cure themselves of the fatal disease, the duo closed their wildly popular show for an undetermined period of time, and flew to Europe.

Their publicity department said the magicians were given an invitation to meet the Pope in Rome, but many who buy into this piece of dark gossip claim that was merely a cover story for their true reason for the continent-hopping vacation.

The real motivation behind this excursion across the Atlantic (according to those supposedly in the know) was that Siegfried and Roy intended to receive full blood transfusions. Purging their bodies of the lethal epidemic, and leaving them once again healthy enough to entertain, the two would be robust enough to perform their physically demanding act in front of hundreds of thousands of patrons, and continue to rake in the millions. Continue reading “Rumors of the Original Roy: by Joe Oesterle”

Buddy Hackett’s Alleged “Oral Contract” by Joe Oesterle

Buddy Hackett may be best known to today’s generation as the voice of Scuttle, the marble-mouthed seagull in Disney’s classic, “The Little Mermaid.” Still others are familiar with the lovable pumpkin-headed goofball for his live action screen work in such family friendly movies as “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World,”  “The Music Man,” and the original “Herbie the Love Bug,” but his legendary Las Vegas performance contract in 1963 certainly was not G-rated.Buddy Hackett

Hackett was born in Brooklyn, and started his comedy career while still in high school. The chubby faced funnyman cut his teeth in the Borscht Belt resorts in the Catskills in upstate New York until he was noticed by both Hollywood and Las Vegas.

To the baby boomers who grew up on the Rat Pack, Buddy Hackett was known as an adult-only entertainer, for his use of “blue material” during his Vegas performances. While Hackett’s act might come off as mild compared to the language and themes used by today’s comedians, his rumored arrangement for the year of 1963 is about as graphic as it gets. Continue reading “Buddy Hackett’s Alleged “Oral Contract” by Joe Oesterle”